TC's Fake Sports Mailbag - NBA Draft, Knick Hating, Cub Mediocrity
Written by Big Poppa TC, Monday June 29 2009
So we’ve just finished an extraordinary exciting NBA Draft week, full of blockbuster trades and odd and exciting draft drama. Additionally, we’re two weeks away from the baseball All-Star break. We are also in the midst of one of the finest movie summers in a long time (Star Trek + Hangover = good start). So it feels like a good time for another fake mailbag, where made up people ask me made up questions, and I do my best to answer in an irreverent and potentially thoughtful way.
What is the best pick from the draft that no one is talking about?
D. Derozan, - Compton, CA
Well you all know about the three point guards for Minnesota, and Blake Griffin to the Clippers, as everyone and their mothers (Hi Mom!) have been talking about those. You’ve probably even heard San Antonio magically snagging Dejuan Blair (more on this later) in the second round. But the pick I really like is Jrue Holliday of UCLA at 17 to the Sixers. He was the second best player in high school a year ago, and played out of position his freshmen year at UCLA. Injuries caused him to slip from, but getting on a playoff team (6 seed) and learning behind Andre Miller for one or two years will great for Philly and Jrue. He is athletic and defends very well already. In the East, a lineup of Andre Miller, Jrue Holliday, Elton Brand, Andre Iguodala, and Thaddeus Young (you’d think he’d be a decent player by now but whatever) should be good for at least a four seed, maybe even a three if the Celtics inexplicably move Rajon Rondo (which could happen!). Teams that are good in the long term make moves to get better slowly, and this was a pick in the right direction.
After all the big trades and the draft, who is your favorite to win the NBA Championship next year? It has to be Orlando right?
Dwight H. – Orlando, FL
While it was absolutely TREMENDOUS for the Magic to get Vince Carter, the final grade of the Eastern Conference Champions has yet to be determined, as the status of All-Star forward Hedo Turkoglu has opted out of his contract. They still have the stars of their team, Rashard Lewis and Dwight Howard, along with All-Star Jameer Nelson, but Turkoglu was a key component of their run this year, as well as their best outside shooter, and an under-rated ball handler. Additionally, the world champion Lakers have some free agent issues of their own with regard to Lamar Odom and Trevor Ariiza.
So as of right now, I’d say the San Antonio Spurs look freaking ready to go. They would have gone further in the playoffs this year without the Manu Ginobilii injury, and they will have a completely rested team this year, whereas Kobe and Lebron have played a million games over the past two seasons with playoffs and Olympics. They just traded three buttons and raccoon tail for Richard Jefferson (it’s gonna be ‘alley-oop city’ from Parker and Ginobilli), and drafted Pitt’s Dejuan Blair PF (277 pounds of monster), a stud you remember from the NCAA tournament in the second freaking round. If you like any team other than the Lakers, you should be muttering to yourself about why the small-market Spurs run their organization so much better than your team. Even in a crappy draft, the Spurs found a starter in the second round for their already very good team.
Wayne G. – Phoenix, AZ
I like that one kid from Canada. He’s fast and skates well. Why are you trying to sabotage my mailbag by asking hockey questions? If it doesn’t involve Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya (Go old school Ducks!) then I don’t know or care. Although I thought it was funny when someone got suspended this year for making fun of someone else’s girlfriend.
How heartbreaking was the US loss to Brazil in South Africa on Sunday?
Alexi L. – Hartford, CN
Seriously, why are you guys hating on my mailbag? Fine. If you like American soccer, you should be in love with that Davies (Davis? Don’t know his first name, he’s a forward) kid. He was noticeably faster than anyone on Spain or Brazil.
Why does God hate the Knicks?!!!!
M. D’Antoni – New York, NY
When the Warriors picked Davidson guard Stephen Curry with the seventh pick on NBA Thursday’s Draft, it was a huge FMT moment if you’re a Knicks fan. You’ve heard of FML, well FMT is F**K MY TEAM. Pretty much everything thing since Isaiah Thomas took over was FMT if you’re a Knicks fan. The Knicks really wanted Stephen Curry, and the crowd seriously booed Knick draftee Jordan Hill as a result. So while it’s definitely possible that God hates the Knicks, here’s a list of recent FMT moments for other teams.
1. The absolutely TERRIBLE Sacramento Kings not getting one of the top three picks in the lottery this year. FMT Kings.
2. The Raiders drafted WR Darius Heyward-Bey over WR Michael Crabtree in the 2009 NFL Draft. Then the 49ers drafted Michael Crabtree. FMT Raiders.
3. The Minnesota Timberwolves draft point guards Ricky Rubio, Johnny Flynn, and Ty Lawson in the first round of the NBA Draft. FMT T’Wolves. (Wait no, that’s Minnesota PG Sebastian Telfair’s FML.)
4. The Minnesota Vikings pay a bunch of money for QB Sage Rosenfels. FMT. Then they find out Sage isn’t better than Tavaris Jackson. FMT. The Vikings are gonna get Brett Favre. FMT Vikings.
5. Notre Dame still has Charlie Weis as a head football coach. FMT Fighting Irish.
6. Every time The Ohio State plays a SEC team in football. FMT Buckeyes.
What’s the most disappointing baseball team thus far? It has to be the Cubs right?
S. Bartman – Champagne, Il.
The Cubs are the obvious pick, and with all apologies to the Mets, they are the correct pick. The Mets have had a slew of injuries to their best players including Carloses Beltran and Delgado, Jose Reyes, JJ Putz, and John Maine. They play terrible defense, but have been carried to a .500 record behind the best hitter and pitcher in the NL, David Wright and Johan Santana. And they’re sitting in second place behind the World Champion Phillies, which is nothing to scoff at. They have more All-star’s injured than most than some entire divisions (I’m looking at you, AL Central). But given how many stars they have, they have to be a huge disappointment, especially in the media circus that is New York, and especially with the opening of their new stadium.
With that being said, the lovable (pre-season favorite) Cubbies just are not that good. You can blame it on the injuries to Aramis Ramirez and Derek Lee, or (fantasy bust) Alfonso Soriano insisting on hitting leadoff despite a .235 average and 14 homers, blame it the Vodka, blame it on the Henny, inconsistency at the bottom of the rotation, or blame it on the A-a-a-ah-achohol, but they aren’t playing quality ball, and are fourth place in their mediocre division as a result. They’ve scored the fifth fewest runs in the majors, with the fourth worst batting average, but boast the sixth best pitching staff, as well as an extremely average defense. They have the fourth highest amount of blown saves, and don’t hit for power, average, or steal bases. And there’s the matter of the curse… a huge disappointment to Cubs fans who every year foolishly think that this year will be the year.
Have you seen the new Tonight Show?
Andy R. – Burbank, CA
I love it. Love Conan. Love Andy. All very funny. Conan is so insanely quick and hilarious, especially in person. I highly recommend you go see him if you get the chance.
Who ya got in UFC 100? Brock Lesnar or Frank Mir?
D. White – Las Vegas, NV.
I’ve got GSP in the second round. I'm having a really rough time picking the Lesnar fight. It's a super stacked card though, I think a good time will be had by all.
Feel free to message me questions or ask them below. Have a nice day!
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there's a Bay Area Mailbag coming later this week with Giants, Warriors, maybe Niners and Raiders. And Mir barely won last time, and now Lesnar has probably improved exponentially, while Mir is just trying to maintain.
Lesnar is one bad, bad man. If he doesn't get caught in some wierd submission hold, Mir might be the first death in MMA. TC, who the SF Giants gonna trade for?
Charlie Davies out of BOSTON COLLEGE....the future of US Soccer.
ok i thought about it and i pick Lesnar.